RAIN and MOON

Two trains originate from a small town of eastern India and diverge in two different directions. One proceeds west, towards central India and the other one towards North-East. Both the trains have one common passenger, that’s me. The first one is my younger self and the other is the one that has lived two more years. We might be the same person but we are different personalities. Simply we are different souls now and then. However, the one string that connects us is that we still share the same dream; the only difference is in terms of clarity of mind. There is one more similarity among these two travelers is that; to a great extent they are dissecting through similar transitional phases. They have their footsteps in the past and echoes in the future. The train towards west is going to reach Bhopal soon. As soon as I step on the city of lakes, I must not look back and regret about my acts and judgments those are already accomplished. When you decide to be something, rest assured that you’re going to face challenges. And if you are scared to face them, then it means you have not decided anything yet, you have only deluded yourself. The other train stops at Guwahati, from where I take a bus to a hundred kilometers further north, up to the edge of the country and beyond, to the land of Thunder Dragon, to my temporary destination, Samdrup Jongkhar, Eastern Bhutan. It’s temporary because I’ll be staying here for two years only. Then what’s the permanent destination? I’m not sure yet, or am I? I’ve been to Bhutan before but not this neck of the woods. Everything seems a little stranger than my last visit. That was a different story; I was a tourist then, while I’m an immigrant now. Since my purpose has changed, my perspective towards this country is likely to change too, and so do the perspectives of the Bhutanese people towards me. It feels a little scary although it’s one of the safest countries in the world. I’m scared of something that I have never experienced before, the state of absolute loneliness. The use of the word ‘lonely’ is welcome for debate. A month and a half ago I was living in an apartment with five other friends, in a city of two million people, and now I’ll be staying alone, in a country with a total population of eight hundred thousand only. I’m completely by myself for the first time in life. Initially I was all shook up; finally when I’m here everything feels around the bend. Most importantly during my last visit, I had friends, some of those who are still here, I mean they might have arrived around the same time as I did, but as I said it’s a different story now. We are Part Company. Tomorrow, 1st of July 2012, is supposed to be the most important day of my life, so far, the first day of my first job. Definitely sounds exciting but I’m not quite sure about that, because I know through which circumstances I got this job, I know my motivations those I need to comply. I may not completely be honest with this profession, but I shall work hard and honor my agreement because everything else depends on this. Leave tomorrow for tomorrow, what shall I do tonight, as usual? Because once I get into this Nine-to-Five grid, I don’t know how flexibly I’ll be able to exercise my inner demons. “Are you writing about me?” She asks. “Maybe” “Why do you call me Yasemin? My name is not Yasemin.” “Your real name reminds me the real you.” I answer, “The more I detach your imperfections the more you become unreal and the faster you fade.” “It sounds as if you’re recreating the past.” “Past is where all the inspirations are.” “You’re taking my jokes literally again.” “Being literal is what I’m trying to do, am I not?”