Counselling Without Offense

India is a pluralistic nation. In fact it is called the “cradle of world religions”. Increasing levels of education are raising a social class that is fast becoming secular. For that matter Post Modernism that has done away with absolute values, and reductionism that digitizes a Mona Lisa painting but cannot create one is pushing the world towards a life without character, and a religion without faith. Such developments challenge the Christian counsellor in applying the wisdom and power of the Gospel at counselling sessions. However, human pain is common to all and when such pain is addressed with genuine love and time tested principles, people will respond with greater receptivity. People have personal problems because they act foolishly, trying to find life and fulfilment in people, projects and gadgets, without God. They suffer painful consequences of such foolish behaviours but blame God. Secondly, people suffer due to the foolishness of other people. Such foolish living is common to Christians and non-Christians alike. Most of the time such foolish living is unconscious. On rare occasions people suffer for no fault of theirs. At such times they must accept God’s sovereignty and submit to His mysterious ways of working out His best purposes in our lives. Counsellors should engage with those who are suffering, apply wisdom and truth and facilitate relief and life. ‘U-Turn’ counsellors join the life-journey of the counselees, empathise with them and help them to make a U-Turn to a God-dependent life. They work with God and serve as guideposts. As they do so they draw their inspiration from the example of Jesus. Through their personal example, compassion and patience, counsellors wait for the kairos moment to place the truth before counselees and encourage them to make a ‘U-Turn’ in their life. Such counselling is in sharp contrast to a “Thus says the Lord . . .” approach. It seeks to carefully make meaning of the scripture and restore faith through the revelation of truth. Psychology is important in counselling but theology is more important in Christian counselling. A good counsellor trained in psychology will have many tools with which to relate, empathize and confront. But a counsellor who understands the ways of God and how He acts in the lives of people will be able to comfort and counsel for maturity. Such maturity comes with an admission of inadequacy, not claiming all-sufficiency; it comes with the cross of suffering and not some quick-fixes. Intellectual and spiritual honesty are pre-requisites for Christian counselling. Anything less is hypocrisy. Strength that comes from the One who is greater, stronger and more powerful than ourselves is the remedy for all our fears. Forgiveness is a balm that can heal many relational wounds. Receiving and offering forgiveness is a remedy for a guilt-ridden and hurting humankind. Counsellors must facilitate the process that Jesus perfected. If our desire is to help a person, should we, then, be particular if a person receives the healing (therapy) necessarily with a chapter and a reference from the Bible? Would it be acceptable to a Christian counsellor just to offer such ‘Christian counselling’ based on Biblical principles of forgiveness out of compassion even as Christ did? Marriage provides a mate and a soul mate. It is a relationship where some of the deepest needs can be met. Perhaps that is one of the reasons why when their deep felt needs are not met, partners in marriage have significant problems. When the needs are not met naturally and spontaneously, the partners begin to manipulate and soon when even manipulation doesn’t work they begin to make demands. Consequently, conflicts arise, and when couples do not have skills to resolve their conflicts peacefully, they get hurt and then communication breaks down. Eventually, even the marriage breaks down. Christian counselling can draw richly from the Biblical principles and help couples change the course of their marriages. Children are a gift from God. A wise son brings joy to his parents, but a foolish one a lot of heartache. However, parents can exercise their God-given authority to ‘shape the will of a child without breaking his/her spirit’. Counsellors can help parents start this process early and avoid pitfalls of over or under disciplining. Often parents are a poor example to their children; they confuse their impressionable minds. Such children live out the example ignoring the principle. Children suffer when parents try to live out their dreams through their children. Counsellors can red-flag these faulty practices in parenting and suggest ways to help the children realise their God-given potential. Prayer is a universal language of help. There is hardly anyone who does not want to pray when in need. Many try to pray but feel inadequate. Prayer is the desperate cry of the soul to the Saviour. It must be expressed. A counsellor can help counselees find that expression in their prayers. The pain of the Cross and the joy of comfort make strange bed fellows. But then that is the mystery of the cross. Let us creatively communicate what Christ has done on the cross for the well-being of many. Jesus, a man acquainted with grief, shares our sorrow but triumphs through the cross. He is the way, the truth and the life. To all who walk His way and practice His truths, He promised that He will give abundant life. As counsellors we must learn to understand our culture, sanctify it through the word of God and show Christ in our life and ministry. God being our helper, we will do. As counsellors we may present the Gospel appropriately and sensitively to our counselees. They may listen and not respond positively while taking the benefit of good counsel. Do not lose your peace. The Holy Spirit is the one who knows everyone through and through and according to the will of God He will convince and convict. Let us not forget, we are ‘apprentice counsellors,’ after all. Therefore, let us remain faithful till the end. There will be few who will believe.