A Ship of Many Oars

Hukum Singh lay on his cot, in the weak winter sun, and contemplated his life – faded images from the past, mostly in olive green, passed before his eyes; those few occasions when he was home on Annual Leave were just a blur. It really did not matter much to Hukum, as his thirty five years and nineteen days in the Army had provided him with a never ending cocktail of memories. Upon his honourable discharge from the Army, he was welcomed in his village, as befitted a hero – After all, he had served the country for more than three decades with honour, except for a few drunken brawls and nightly sojourns behind his barracks for a few rounds of ‘Flash’ during the Deewali season. A scorching, bellowed dressing down by the Regimental Subedar Major, and a few, well placed batons by the Military Police had made those occasions unforgettable. Hukum Singh turned on his side, and adjusted the well worn green beret under his head. After retirement, the morning hours hung heavy on him- evenings were kind to him, and enjoyable, in the company of his Army Canteen issue Mohun’s XXX Rum. It also fetched him the brotherhood of several villagers who thanked his army service and its liberal canteen rules. His dozing was interrupted by light tugs near his head…. He opened one eye to see his senior most goat, ‘ Kabun Sahib’ trying to tug his green beret from beneath his head . ‘ Kabun Sahib’ was christened after a Maj. Coburn, who happened to be Hukum Singh’s first company commander. With due deference to ‘Kabun Sahib’s’ seniority, Hukum Singh gave him a half salute and eased his beret away. Any other goat wouwouwould w ould have been rewarded by an earthy collection of choicest abuses and a guided kick on its rump. Warmed by the winter sun, Hukum Singh closed his eyes, and slept. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… “There is an urgent Telegram for Lance Naik Hukum Singh “, bellowed the Mess Subedar over the din in the Sepoys Mess. Hukum Singh looked up from his Thali with trepidation – Telegrams rarely brought good news. He walked slowly towards the Mess Subedar, searching his face for some signs of the news. He suddenly ran, as he spotted the glint of a smile behind the huge moustache of the Subedar! “Not so fast, Hukum Singh. First, promise laddoos to everyone here “, said the Subedar, as he held the telegram aloft in his hands . “A laddoo for everyone “, panted Hukum . “You have been blessed with a son. Both mother and child are well “, beamed Mess Subedar Harnam Singh and was instantly greeted with a mighty hug. “And about time too! We thought that Hukum Singh will directly become a grandfather “, said Lance Naik Ramdhani Singh of ‘B’ Company, 1st Battalion of the 7th Rajput. The Mess reverberated with laughter. Lance Naik Hukum Singh of Charlie Company, 1/7 Rajput, shot him a baleful look…. The rivalry between Bravo and Charlie Company was legendary, and was matched in vehemence only by the age old rivalry of the Rajput Regiment with the Sikh and Gurkha Regiments. Hukum Singh’s immediate happiness was marred by the sting of fathering a son after almost seven years of marriage. Sunehri Devi, whom he had married after courting for almost four years in the wheat and bajra fields of his native village, had to endure harsh comments from the family and village elders. Each homecoming of Hukum was looked upon as the arrival of the proverbial Stork… At times, Hukum Singh felt as if he was being measured by the village women folk on his potency level. He wondered if there was a thermometer which he could put inside the old hags backsides and determine their potency levels ! On several such occasions, seething with rage, Hukum Singh on Annual Leave, would swallow a few pegs of good old rum, and then swaying on his charpoy would announce in his Parade Ground voice “When I was screwing the Japanese in the Burma Jungles, then where were you ass holes? Do you know I killed more Japs with my dick than with my bayonet? Even today, they walk with their legs apart!” In saner moments, he would curse God, the pathetic Army Leave Structure, the Mess Cook, the Company Medic and the women’s Ovulation Cycle for his predicament. Once, after being treated for suspected Syphilis with repeated shots of Penicillin, he was convinced that the Medical Orderly had given him Impotency Shots to curb his ardour - with the active connivance of his Subedar. For many nights, he could be seen near the Med Orderly Room and JCO’s Mess with his shaving razor, hatching plans to relieve both the Subedar, as well as the Med Orderly, of their silly appendages. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….